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SAVE A BUG

by Periplaneta americana prosthesii

(but my friends call me Alphred)

Have you ever wondered what you could do to save the life of an innocent bug?

MY LIFE AS A BUG

There are a lot of bugs out there that need our help and now there is a way to do just that. Your metamorphosis is just ahead, and we're not talking Kafka here. This is the real thing. I'm serious.

Just keep reading.

We've got a big problem here

Bugs are dying all around us. It is time to take a stand. Start by reading my story, then get involved. You can do it!

"There is no purpose to life other than the purpose we create for ourselves."

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ARE YOU READY FOR ACTION?

The Straight Poop

The Straight Poop

January February March April May June July August September October November December

January

January

Day 1

January 1

"Last week I went to the karaoke bar just down the street. I can always find some good food there and with nobody noticing a thing. I’m not much of a singer but believe me, no one else there is either. And after a drink or two, I have no idea if I’m on key."

Day 3

January 3

I took a couple shots and headed to the bookshelf. Tonight I wanted something good, something on the edge. Maybe Анна Каренина.

Day 4

January 4

The gurney was still shaking and the guy was looking at me. Can you believe it? No one ever notices but this guy.

Day 6

January 6

I just walked up to the Joe and asked for a light, you know, like in the movies, and started up a conversation about my recent trip to Uzbekistan, just to get him to talking. It was no time before he was just rattling on about nuclear triggers and the like. What a sap. Nabbed in no time.

Day 7

January 7

Why, one time I was swatted so hard I pooped my pants. Pretty embarrassing. But did I stop? No! I kept right on running, running through the maze of feet, running from the light spilling noisily from the bar onto the littered pathway...

The Movie

Месть кинооператора 1912

Day 10

January 10

Suddenly everyone got quiet and the surgeon pulled a baby out of the woman’s belly, just like that. I mean it was like she was pulling a rabbit out of her hat.

Day 11

January 11

Then everything went into slow motion – even the sound. Me running but each step taking infinite time; him reaching for a spray bottle, slowly rising, pointing, aiming.

Day 16

Date 16

She’s worried about him and he sees that as being controlling. Well, he’s just being difficult.

Day 17

January 17

I knew right away that I was not in the Gentlemen’s Club of Dostoyevsky, or джентльменский клуб, as we would call it, but instead some bizarre apparition of the future, some demented transformation; the science fiction of 1880, come to life. Pretty nice, though.

Day 26

January 26

Love was not in question, but the safety of her heart very much was. I could see it, just as clearly as if her heart were in her folded hands.

Day 27

January 27

My roommate was already sleeping, leaving the apartment to my ambling and pacing, for I cannot stop thinking, reveling in this new understanding of life and not life. To be roused from the insensate; awakened to existence beyond mere life.

Day 30

January 30

I should have known that bugs are not resurrected from the dead, pulled untimely from their quiet respite.

Day 30 – a few hours later

January 30

Charlatan!

Day 30, plus a few hours and 30 minutes later

January 30

Maybe I am overreacting. It was just a fly, right?

Day 30, a few hours plus 39 minutes later

January 30

Behold, he cometh in clouds; and every eye shall see him...

Read

Day 30, a few hours plus 46 minutes later

January 30

I hereby retract...

Day 30, a few hours plus 57 minutes later

January 30

And yet his audience was bigger than he envisioned, much bigger.

Day 30, a few hours plus 62 minutes later

January 30

Geez!

Day 31

January 31

I also looked it up in the Kama Sutra and that showed some pretty industrious positions, obviously requiring years of vigorous yoga as a prerequisite.

February

February

Day 36

February 5

I have studied the sacred art of Motivational Speaking as professed by the renowned Dale Carnegie and I can help set you free.

Free Poster

Spread the word.

Dung beetle null bg.jpg

Day 38

February 7

Now that I can see the diagrams, it’s easy to pick out the subtle differences between Periplaneta Americana and good old Homo sapiens, although I kind of identify with both.

Day 40

February 9

The real reason I am writing you today is to acknowledge that I have been using some cuss words in my previous work. I read back through and – holy shit it is bad!

Day 55

February 24

One of the more compelling theories posits a changing diet, now including increased amounts of pesticides, herbicides and other similar food additives.

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